Hung out with Brian tonight and then later with Mike as well, it's always nice to hang out with them. It's interesting how we always end up talking about our sites, other people's sites, Cam Whores, OGs and all that shit. So Mike showed me quite a few interesting things about his site, all of which were really cool, but totally insane for someone to think to implement into a personal site, but more power to you for doing so... On first impression I'd never think of Mike as a computer geek, I always thought of him as some poser "I go clubbing all the time" type of person, but Mike is a true hacker, none of the p0ser 1337 h4x0r bull shit, Mike is the real deal... but then maybe I don't know him as well I think... The name IS Mike right?

So I taught my third Aftereffects workshop today, which went great. I think I'm finally getting the whole teaching thing down. I think I may do one more workshop which will be on Flash 5 and then call it the semester for teaching. I'm required by my job to teach or take 5 workshops, I've taught 6 group workshops and have totally lost count with one on ones, so I think I've my bases covered... So explain me this, if you sign up for something, shouldn't you show up for it? I had a full list today for this workshop and of that 13 only 6 people showed up and of that 6, 2 left early and Brian dozed off a few times when I was explaining the basic stuff, he did come back strong later on in the class, great participation Brian! Now I undearstand to an extend what teacher must feel like dealing with a class. So Brian gets a B+ (it'll an A if you didn't doze off) and Kristy get a A- (good participation and good ability to stay up for a long ass workshop) for the other people, they can grade themselves since I don't really know them.

It's like 3:10 am and James and I just started a project. James finally finished backing up his Win2K box and begin the process of installing Win XP Pro on it. Well... lets just say the CD had a scratch in it and well... he repartitioned the drive, the CD didn't want to install and it's 3 am.... so what do we do? Lets install Linux on it! So of course we only have Red Hat 7 on CD, there is the isos of Red Hat 7.1 on our file sharing server... lets put that on CD! Wait... the burner on my PC have NEVER worked since I got it 2 years ago, and the working one that James has... well it's on that computer with no operating system... Wait! The Sony firewire burner I just got! Hook that up to James' Vaio! Ok we have progress! We are now going to burn some isos, install some open source OS, run into problems, fixing things... it'll be great! Or something!

This is totally nuts! When James gets an idea about getting something done it kinda just happens and continues until it done. And since I've been roommates with him, I've been joining him in these nutty, over the top endeavors... so I guess either we will get no sleep and have him a robust Linux workstation, or we will get no sleep and pissed off that we have him a kinda working computer with Linux on it... either way there will be an OS installed.

So why the title you ask? Well I realized a lot of James has rubbed off on me, I'm definitely getting more proactive, anal over a lot of things and I've been using the work 'robust' a lot... yeah it's weird... example: I used to not give a flying fuck over the things I buy for my computer, if the price is right and it will work with what I have, then I'll get it. Tonight I spend a good amount of time looking for a new harddrive for my G4, my rule was IBM or nothing. James kinda looked at me weird and I said "Dude! IBM drives are the only thing I'll consider, they are fucking robust! I'll pay the extra money for that!" Then I caught myself... Dude! I sound like James! That was something he'd say!

Then I started thinking deeper and realized that having him as a friend since freshman year and roommate for over a year now has really changed my views on a lot of things, mostly technical geeky computer stuff. I mean I remember meeting him in my digital culture class freshman year, worked with him for a class project and stuff... and then I got a Palm V and that some how made us better friends : ) all kidding aside, I was what you call a wanna be computer geek. Freshman year... if my computer failed I wouldn't know what the hell to do with myself, I didn't understand hardware, didn't care much about anything since I didn't understand it I have no idea what the hell to do with myself, but I did convinced myself that I know HTML and Photoshop, which James rightfully kicked my ass for and told me I don't and the truth is I totally didn't. But hanging out with him has totally changed a lot on how I view and work with technology. For example the current computer set up I have was totally based around his recommendations, at the time I totally thought it was over the top, but you know what? And I hate to say this... he was right, I've had this computer for two years now and I'm looking at at least 2 more years of full blown production work out of that machine. And he definitely formed a lot of my web design ethics. Cross platform, cross browser, low file size, hand coding, designing for dynamic database driven site, understanding backend, hating IIS and all that. Hell I even find SSH kinda cool.

Yeah James turn me into a real computer geek, and I just want to say "Thanks man!" since he is definitely the catalyst to getting me where I'm.

I'm also excited to find that my friend Yasu from when I went to school in Singapore, is coming to Boston tomorrow. Dude... this guy is the true OG (original geek) I mean when this kid gets in to something, he becomes it! Wow I can't wait to meet up with him, I haven't seen him since 98, it should be really interesting to see what kinda craziness he's been up to.

So this is a rare moment of niceness from hyperactiveman. Have no worries my friends I'll be back to my old self soon, just let me hang out with Brian a little more : )

(I updated this on an off during the night, thus is why the post is at 5 something am. Oh BTW the burner didn't work on the Vaio... 'hells yeah!' to network install!)

Spending the day at home got me thinking about the current state of my life. I mean it was great to be at home when the sun is out and I'm doing nothing. I mean it's such a stupid little thing, but I really don't spend enough time doing nothing. People always say I'm always working at the lab and the thing is I'm always there, and I'm always working but I haven't done anything for myself. I've been teaching a lot and I love teaching, I like helping people with their projects, and then I get stressed out because people at the lab become dependent and I end up not getting anytime to work on my own stuff. I mean I haven't done shit for my flash programming class, I love that class, I'm learning so much from it, but yet I rarely touch flash outside of that class. I feel like I need to shut down for a week, do nothing, play some Grand Turismo 3. Wow... haven't done that for a long time, do some cooking... haven't cooked for a good month and a half... I'm really sick of eating out... hang out with friends, go out and do something other than sitting in front of a fucking computer.

I think it's time to just let go, I think it's time for me to say "Sorry this is the last 8 months of my life in school, it's my time to do what I set out to do and make something of myself." I want to leave school knowing I've accomplished something for myself which as of now I feel I have yet to achieve. I may end up a nobody, I may end up being another burned out Web developer left without a job, but I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is being successful but knowing I have cheated myself out of the things I really wanted to do when I had the chance. I'm not about to waste my fucking time on anymore of these petty little problems, I have to move on and let go, cuz I don't want to end up still working at the fucking DPL in my late twenties because I let all the bullshit get to me and become too afraid to leave.

I was baffled when a friend of mine told me that his friend can get him a $400 cell phone for $250ish from where she works. Well I was told that people working at Verizon do not get discounts on cellphones... So I asked him how does his friend pull that off...

"My friend is an assistant manager."
well that kinda explains why, but I was still doubtful and then the truth comes out....
"she has 36c tits and an ass you can bounce a quarter off of, she gets whatever she wants."

How true.

I don't get it... Why won't things just work. The CD burner came in today, UPS surprisingly came before noon, I got it to work with the Sony provided software, but the interface and everything about the software sucked so I talked James into giving me a ride to Micro Center to pick up a copy of Toast 5. Felt kinda weird to actually pay for software, but this one is worth my money.

Well I still don't have a working CD burner, I keep getting an I/O error... I just want to sleep.

And that is on many levels... First I need to start shooting for Digital Errors. I keep falling on to these short notice shoots, because I'm limited by when people are available. So this weekend, if all is happy and well, will anyone be available to help out with this shoot? I need a few extras and a few good hands. I can't offer much other than a promise of a lot of good beer and good dinner. If you are interested let me know and I'll give you the details. Thanks.

I guess I'll be staying home for most of the day tomorrow since I have to be here for the new dryer to show up and also sign for my CD-RW drive from UPS, apparently I HAVE TO sign for it in person... Yes this was an annoying piece of paper to see at your front door when you get home.



What's also annoying is the picture quality of this photo... After the death of my CoolPix 990 I've returned my digital photo tasks back to my Sony Mavica (the original). The idea of storing anything on floppies is annoying, especially after using Type I compact Flash since last December. And this thing shoots at 640x480, at any size bigger than 320x240 the picture just looks pixelated.

Of course the pipe dream of getting a Nikon D1H is still there, but I think I've found what I really want for my next camera. The Nikon Coolpix 5000 , 5.24 mega pixel, wow! I mean this is when you know a company is listening to their customers! When the Coolpix 900 came out, it was the coolest digital camera around and then they came out with the D1 and both of them set the standard for Prosumer and Professional digital cameras respectively. The problem was that the D1 was next level up the from the 900 series in the Nikon digital camera chain and that level up meant a $3000 increase from the $800-900 Coolpix. That was annoying since may people want a more featureful camera which the 900 series lack due to it's design. So in comes the Coolpix 5000, this explain the rather sudden price drop for the coolpix 990 and 995, since all three of these cameras are in the same price range. The 5000 is about $1000. This is so the digital camera I've been looking for! Better lens, faster shutter speed, more detailed controls, faster write speed and they finally support type II compact media! So I can run a 1gb IBM microdrive! How dope is that! Now... the problem of finding the money for the camera...

"you're a crazy fucker keith yan, a crazy fucker indeed"-- verbaltirade

So I had a lot of time today during History of Photography to think about what happened here with my last 5 posts. And I have come to the conclusion that I'm crazy, I'm totally insane. I can't explain why I do the things I do anymore! I'm so tired and burned out that all I can do is react to things instead of plan for them. I don't think about what I do anymore, I just go right ahead and do it. I feel like I'm becoming the Keith that I was back when I was 14-15, I mean I was so much fucking worse than I'm now, I mean at least nowa days I know when I'm being a jerk/asshole/dick, back then I just knew I was right and I did as I felt fit, which just about pissed off everyone around me.

Yeah I have no people skills... I mean do I just don't care about other people's feelings or do I just don't know how to deal with people? And that is a question I keep asking.

For example, today I was at the lab working (when am I not...) James came by, got all excited about the video project he is about to start shooting and started talking to me about it. This was all while I was viewing the footage from my shoot two weeks ago, it took me THAT long to finally get time to fucking work on that! Well any way I was very unhappy with the footage I got and I started talking to James about how bad it was and he said "well I mean this is your B roll right?" Honest mistake, but that comment kinda got me thinking, and as James continued to talk about his shoot and we discussed a few things about shooting schedule and stuff and then it dawned on me that the footage I got was looking at was so bad that it wasn't even B roll material, and out of no where I just snapped and started yelling about the footage and how fucking bad it is and that I'll never finish this project and in effect freaking the fuck out of James. I did the classic Keith Yan stomp out of a room routine, realizing Ashley, Heather and Roberto were all standing outside of the office when I snapped, kept walking, then I stopped. What the fuck was that about?! Where the fuck did that come from? I mean what happened?

I feel like lately I have totally lost control of myself, all of a sudden I'm back to the "Hey I'm 14 and I hate the world, so go fuck your self!" kinda attitude, I snap at anything that mildly annoys me, I'm more stressed than usual yet I feel like I've done nothing.

I want a break from all this, but I've grown to depend on it. Kinda like women, can't live with it, can't live without it.

8:45 I FINALLY have a paper to hand in one week after it's due. Dude do I suck at writing or what! Now shit is just getting stupid... should I go to sleep now? Or should I stay up and jump the UPS guy when he comes to deliver my CD-RW?

Now time for some hip hop!

My body is saying "Hey asshole! GO TO SLEEP!"
My brain is saying "Hey fuck face! Finish this paper!"
My stomach is saying "Feed me another can of that cheap fuck, sank ass, Chunky soup and I swear to god ol' Pepto-Bismol I'll drop kick you motherfucking ass!"

Ok. it's now 6 in the morning, I'm no where close to finishing my paper. And yes, I fucked up again. Look down one post... Why do I always do shit like that! I go off on my bull shit rant and piss of half the world and I don't even know why I did it... You know what?! It's time to shut the fuck up. BLAH!!!! IDIOT! Bad times my friends.... bad times....

It's almost 5 am, I'm still fucking writing a paper that is already a week late.

I'm still raging pissed over so many things, one including being sick for over a week now, other things include being really fucking tired all the time no matter how much I try to sleep. I'm pissed because I'm feeling so fucking creative with all these design ideas but I'm so fucking tired to follow through with any of them.

I'm pissed because I miss home, I'm pissed because my dad is really sick and I miss hanging out with him alot. I really fucking pissed because I haven't seen my dad for close to 9 months now, and I won't be able to see him until late December. I miss the talks, the discussions, the bullshit over soccer games, and how he feels National Geographics has nothing on the BBC when it comes to making great documentaries. I miss talking about our plans to take over the Asia/Pacific high tech/business sector and how Farrari are shitty cars any way you cut it.

Well, if we were hanging out right now, he'd first be kicking my ass for posting instead of finishing my paper and then he'll make fun of my extended sorry state of singleness and then make fun of all my ex-girlfriends and then kick my ass again for still not writing my paper, and then talking me into going out with him to get something to eat at 5 in the morning.

Yeah he's awesome.

Once again it's time for the hyperactiveman to speak his mind. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE DUMB CUNT BITCHES who has a weblog and a webcam but really all they want to do is show a little skin and maybe make some money out of some lonely dude who jacks off to them daily. Hey if you want to show skin and make money FINE! There are things out there call porn sites! They are great, trust me! I know! I personally check out quite a lot of them and quite frequently!

But what the fuck are these motherfucking "Read my log, look in to my mind, you'll get to know me, I'm such a deep person and Oh! Hey! Here! Check out my cleavage on my webcam!!!" bullshit! Yeah I feel your pain too! I cry all the time over how I can't fucking afford to shop at Abercrombie and Fitch and how my ass keeps getting bigger.

Hey CAM WHORES! It's call getting a fucking job! And it is the natural tendency of asses to increase in size with age! DEAL WITH IT!

Seriously, if I see another donate money to my birth control fund button or a link to their Amazon wishlist I'm so fucking raging war against these bitches!

So for example this is some of the bullshit I see...
DNA slut (linked from 3soemthing) "Please remember that if you know me personally, I DO NOT want you to bring up anything personal that I write here. This is called a journal for a reason - IT IS ONE - so please, if you decide to read what's here, keep it to yourself. Much thanks."

Hey CAM WHORE! If that is so, then STOP WRITING! Or better yet! Keep journals where most people keep em if they are personal.... in a FUCKING Paper form journal! Fuck man! It's like fucking screaming the the middle of the street and getting pissed because people heard you! What kinda dumb ass fucking bitches are these!

Now go talk behind my back, hyperactive asshole #1...

I've been trying to stay clear of Sony's Japanese site cuz every time I go there to browse I'd find something so jaw droppingly ridiculous that I just want to fly my ass down there and get it! Case in point the VAIO MX desktop series. (English version here but lacking all the cool info and pictures of the Japanese site though...)

Let me just say that I'm currently extremely happy with all of my computers, the Dell workstation is doing great, I am looking at at least a year or two more worth of full blown production use out of that. The IBM laptop is back to full working condition, Nimda fucked me a little, but the machine is going really strong, I'm looking at 3 more years with that!

The G4 has never been more of a pleasure to work with after the recent major ram increase. I'm very tempted to start running OS X 10.1, or at least try it out. I just found an OS X utility called Unsupported UtilityX that'll enable one to run OS X on older PowerPCs... So there is that PPC 7300 I got from Dan last summer, I'm very tempted to try to make that work... But it'll be retardedly slow and I really don't feel like putting any money on a machine that may not work right... Guess I can partition the G4 drive to dual boot again, but I've always had have so much problems getting machines to dual boot, PC or mac, they've always hated me. I was dual booting between OS 9 and OS X server until early this summer, when I just gave up trying to make it work for me.

So returning from this major tangent, The Vaio MX... This thing is totally crazy! It has everything! All the standard computer stuff, P4 1.5 ghz processor, 512mb ram standard, 80gb HDD. And then all the little hot things that makes Sony stuff so great are the build in Memory stick and Type II flash card readers, build in MD drive (for direct mp3 to MD transfer), radio tuner, a build in PVR (TiVo style digital TV recorder), RCA in/out, Optical in/out (!!!!!!!), TV tuner, a set of beefy speakers, beautiful looking case with this hot looking LCD display, CD-RW for the current Japanese version, the US release version will come with a DVD-RW! This thing is totally crazy! This computer so defines what the next generation integrated home computing system should be. And it totally looks like Sony is giving a big "FUCK YOU!" to Apple, I mean look at the set up and marketing, it's totally doing more than what Apple has been promising and at about the same price! I mean a similar spec. G4 867, 512mb ram 80 gb HDD with the HK USB speakers and Superdrive you are talking $3100ish w/o display. The MX starts at $2799 and tops out at $3270 w/o display, but with the PVR, MD drive, optical in/out and a set of REAL speakers and all the jazz. There is no competition if you are looking for an integrated home computing/entertainment system, unless you have issues with working with the Windows platform... It's so exciting to see the progress of technology and seeing how you are seeing products not only have promise, but have the ability to change how people interact with a medium.

A quick note about the new Playground installment on the right. I kept thinking about how cultures are being branded constantly and was wondering how'd one intergrate Chinese culture into something that's already hip. So I added drugs, swear words, loud colors and thick fonts. Giving it this hardcore urban, hip hop feel which the White and Asian Americans youth are into, making sure it'd sell. Then adding the whole slick Chinese Kung Fu, phylosophycal, John Woo shoot em' up, dangerous Asian urban feel with it, you got a winning number...

So now I figured out a way to mass market my own fucking culture. How fucking sad is that.

Brian and Mike "the whitest people I know" pointed out a thing few things during dinner at P.F. Changs tonight. First, is that the blond girl sitting at the table across from us was indeed very beautiful and that all three of us should be more discreet about checking girls out in a restaurant. Secondly that the food is good but it's too damn expensive and thirdly... I'm the only Asian person in that place! There is a total lack of Asian representation in this so called Chinese restaurant, there isn't even the token Asian looking person at the front! I won't be surprise that the chef at that P.F. Changs' is some burly white guy named Bob.

HA HA HA! You Americans are being lied to! This place is so bleached! The fucking McDoanld's down Tremont St has more Chinese culture than this P.F. Changs'! But then the food is good so it all works out for this confused Banana.

Cunt ass motherfucking, suck a dick ass kissing, shit chewing gum desiese, dick ass bitch slut, fuck shit asshole, brain farting spank you ass, shit for brain, retarded moron diarrhea gay ass bitch cunt ass motherfucker son of a bitch on a sesame seed bun.

Back that ass up and have a nice day :)

Dude... I'm beat! All of a sudden Photoshop is not making any sense to me... yeah man I'm still hung over from last night. Maybe I should have listened to Jermarco when he said "Are you sure you want ANOTHER one? It's like your fifth..." I have no idea what drink that was, but it was really tasty and apparently all vodka. And my solution to this little hang over problem? I'm going drinking again. Since you can't be hung over if you are drunk, plus after the insanity of last weekend I deserve this break from work.

Remember Keith, it's ok to have a life, plus your computer doesn't really care if you spend less time with it.

I lost my voice. From all the yelling, drinking, smoking last night and the damn flu, I have no volume, many people must be happy about the idea of a quiet Keith :)

So the show, oh yes the show. Bjork's voice is just amazing, it was so overwhelming, her voice drove right through me. When she started with "All is full of love." I honestly had to take a minute. The set was simple, but so beautiful, one'd expect no less from a Bjork concert. I think what really did me in was the orchestra. Hearing "Play dead" live with a orchestra playing totally kicked my ass. I woke up this morning with that song still playing in my head. Man... it ruled.


Here's a picture, I didn't take it but I just want it here. I have no idea what else to say. The whole thing was just beautiful.

Bjork. Awesome. It was overwhelming for me to deal with for the first few songs. She started with "All is full of love" From then on I knew it was going to be a great night. And it was. I'll talk about the show more when I'm less drunk.

Yeah then we went out drinking, my sister and I and her friends, plus Maria and her friends, we had a great time, I drank too too much. I think I called Brian or something some where along the night... It was a great night... now I have to go sleep on the couch, my sister is passed out on my bed... damn it.

Man why do I always do this! I'm this insane compulsive shopper. It's like when the idea of buying something gets into my head, then I'll just have to find it and buy it.

So today I woke up at about 10am ish, did my daily web log run through before getting out of bed. I noticed Lukwam talking about getting the Que!Fire firewire CD-RW for his iBook. So remembering how my friend Dan had have many problems with the Que! and that Brian over at Verbal "I wipe my wang with kleenex when I pee" Tirade raved about the Sony firewire CD-RWs. I decided to make good use of Lukwam's brand new comment system and let him know. I told him about the Que! about the Sony, click the button sent the comment went on with my life... Well of course talking about CD-RWs got me thinking about how I've been looking for one for my G4 since I got it over a year ago. And of course there's the damn buy.com page with the Sony 32x/12x/8x Firewire CD-RW looking back at me. The "Buy now" button is so bright and pretty, it's in that pretty blue, the very color that makes you relax and calm... (Red, yellow, makes you hungry so next time you look at a Mc Donald's sign, ask your self if you are REALLY hungry or do you just feel like having food.) So anyway, I clicked the damn button! I clicked it! I mean the price sounds right, $200 with a $30 rebate (which I know I'll forget to send for) So now I am a proud owner of a brand new Sony Spressa CRX1600L-A2 i.Link External CD-RW drive, capable burning a 650mb data cd in 5 minutes... God damn it, I feel so guilty for buying that... Fuck. Does writing about it here make me feel better? NO! So why the fuck am I writing about this? Well I just want to put into perspective that I fucking woke up one day, got an idea into my head, and spend $200 BEFORE I even got into the shower! I need help man....

Bjork tonight! I'll tell ya all about it soon!

I think I should be sick more often! I get so much more shit done! I'm pissy, whiny, in pain, yet productive and creative! Apparently I need pain to create! Wack I tell ya... maybe next time I have designer block, I'll have to stick a knife into my thigh! OK OK... maybe not. But today I did a lot with flash, first is the community thing on the right. OK let me explain something... I made that as a little thing to remind Emerson web designers that there are others like us doing cool stuff and we should all meet up and stuff, I didn't add you if you are the following... Not a Web/new media designer, don't have your own site, have never took classes at Emerson... I'm sorry if I left anyone out, it is not ment to be a dis, I picked up what I got and went with it. Plus I ran out of kid's head pretty quickly... there are so many of you. Next time I'll find a picture with more kids.

So I did end up working on some stuff for KYNYC.com ... well kinda... I have a alpha version of the kynyc flash site up on that domain in a development area, kinda messy right now. If you want to see it you'll have to figure out my folder structure, it's not that hard, or ask Brian over at Verbal "I wipe my wang with kleenex when I pee" Tirade, he'd know.

Bjork in about 17 hours! YEAH!

So I headed over to check out Jared's site shockanarnar.com again and saw this question in this post... "Are we considered a design community if there's only 5 of us and we've never met?"

My answer to that is Hells yeah! The New Media crew at Emerson is picking up. I mean we are seeing all these great student personal sites popping up taking shape and driving the new media/design community at Emerson to another level. I guess this is what it's all about, maybe DMG failed because a community such as this drives itself, it doesn't need an orginization, doesn't need a leader, we don't need to meet. Instead we let our work do the communicating, and the rest just falls into place.

Lets see where we go from here!
Jared bounce me an email!

So I started feeling really bad yesterday, I got home trying to get stared with a bit of homework and stuff... but I knew it wasn't going to happen... Last weekend of running around with little sleep has finally taken it toll. The hyperactiveman is sick, I hate being sick... cuz I hate doctors so I never go to one, so I end up sick for a longer period of time, but like I said I hate doctors... They always tell me that there are another 800 things that's wrong with me that I have to get medicine for and all that shit.

So I guess I can just stay home today and chill, do some design work, talk to Klaus (Lukwan's funny little A.I. it so damn random that it's great! )


Bjork tomorrow night!

So I'm going to spend some time today and work on this site, and kynyc.com a little. If you'd note, I've added a few links to the design and friends section.
Them being, JungleRoot, Illabstraction, Shockanarnar, The-Wild (Dave sorry I lost your link in the redesign) and in the design section I've added Boston based flash designer Robert Hodgin's Flight 404, Flash resource site Ultrashock, UK based design firm the designers republic and of course the flash teacher himself Joe "jodzine" Cartman.

Fine JUST FUCKING FINE! I had a good day, went to sound bites for breakfast with James, that was cool. Went to the lab to work, do a few things hang out, that was cool too. Came home watched some TV did some homework for Flash class, cool. Seth bounced me the new look of jungle root, dude that fucking dope looking! And that was cool too. Also saw a link from his site to shockanarnar.com person site of Jared who I've heard plenty about and am interested in meeting soon. So that cool too!

SO WHY THEN AM I BLEEDING LIKE CRAZY RIGHT NOW! I lost a good chunk of flesh when I misplaced my foot and stepped on one of the many random metal things we have laying around the house... I just started bleeding again... BTW... How my blood lost is bad? And WHY THE FUCK DOES MY DRYER SMELL LIKE IT'S BURNING!? Blah!!!! FUCK. What the fuck is it with my luck taking a major down turn....

Bjork Friday! YEAH! And no I'm not selling my tickets.

I knew I jinxed myself by calling my project Digital Errors. Everything that will go wrong had gone wrong. I knew my playback for being an arrogant jerk to so many people will hit hard and I guess this shows I am nothing but an asshole and this is part of my comeuppance.

I don't think I have cared about doing anything as much as I have for this project. This was going to be the biggest thing I'm going to do, this was going to be the bang I leave school with, this was going to be the experience that will take me to the next level, this was going to be the prove to my parents that I'm not a fuck up (as they said before), that they did not waste 21 years of their life on me, that I have the ability to make something of myself and be good at something. This was going to be the project after so many years of working on other people's projects that I can finally say 'I made this'

So with this project to end all projects, Mike and I shot about an hour worth of footage yesterday and today for a 4 minute music video, I have only about a minute out of that whole hour that I'd even consider working with. I have 3 entire scenes that were shot so badly that I may as well shot video of a black wall. I suck at this.

I never realized how much of a joke I'm, it's sad to even think about how good I thought I was. The joke is I can't even get auto focus to work on the camera. I guess I'm good at faking it, at least I can convince a few people that I'm good at everything that I do.

I have slept a total of 5 hours since Friday. Since my most of my dreams have crashed, I may as well crash too.